Blackstone: What's the Real Story Behind the Griddles and the Latest 'News'?

Generated Title: Black Friday's Already Here? Walmart's Blackstone Griddle Deal is Peak 2025 Insanity

Peak Black Friday Nonsense

Okay, so, it's not even Thanksgiving yet, and Walmart's already throwing Black Friday deals at us like we're starving dogs. A Blackstone Original Outdoor Griddle for $157? Seriously? Give me a break. Are we really so desperate for slightly charred burgers that we're willing to jump the gun by, like, a week?

This whole "Black Friday starts in November" thing is a scam, plain and simple. It's designed to wear us down, to make us think we're getting amazing deals when, in reality, it's just a way for corporations to bleed us dry over an entire month. I remember when Black Friday was, you know, one day. Now it's a freakin' endurance test.

And this Blackstone griddle... I mean, it's a griddle. It cooks food. It's got two burners, a "rear grease management system" (which, let's be real, probably just means a flimsy cup that's gonna overflow), and something called "Omnivore Griddle Plate Technology." Omnivore? What, does it eat whatever I throw at it? What does that even mean? Oh, it has built-in wind guards. Okay, great.

I'm supposed to be impressed by "superior thermal shock stability"? Is my griddle going to be taking a thermodynamics final? I don't think so.

The Griddle Game

Walmart is banking on our collective FOMO, I guess. "Oh no, if I don't buy this griddle now, I'll miss out!" But let's be honest, how many of these "must-have" Black Friday deals end up gathering dust in the garage by January? I'm betting the number is pretty high.

And the fact that they are selling the Blackstone Original Outdoor Griddle for $157 during a Black Friday "preview" sale is just… calculated. A griddle with a 524 square inch cooking surface and two burners pumping out 24,000 BTUs… it's designed to appeal to our primal urge to cook massive amounts of meat. Are we really that predictable? Offcourse, we are.

I wonder how many people are actually going to use this thing more than twice a year. It's probably going to be another one of those impulse buys that we regret the second we get it home. And what about the propane? Gotta factor that in, too. Suddenly, that "amazing deal" doesn't seem so amazing anymore.

Speaking of impulse buys, I once bought a "professional" panini press on Black Friday. Used it twice. It's now taking up valuable real estate in my kitchen cabinet, mocking me every time I open it.

The Robot Question

The first article that came up when I searched for the Blackstone griddle deal was a page that asked "Are you a robot?" I had to check a box to prove I'm human. Irony, much? I'm sitting here writing about a mindless consumer frenzy fueled by algorithms and marketing tactics, and I have to prove I'm not one of the bots driving it all. What a world.

I wonder if the robots are buying griddles, too. Maybe they're planning some kind of robot cookout. I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid.

So, This is What the Apocalypse Looks Like?

This isn't about griddles. It's about the soul-crushing, relentless consumerism that's become the defining feature of our society. It's about corporations manipulating us with "deals" and "savings" while lining their own pockets. It's about the slow erosion of our sanity as we're bombarded with ads and promotions from every angle. And I, Nate Ryder, am here to remind you that it's all a big freakin' joke.